Koko the retard

First of all, I am using the term 'retard' only to describe stupid drivers and not those affected by some terrible disease....there is no other way to describe it..these are people that once they start driving, they lose the capacity to think. That being said....

In today's modern America, packing up the family car and driving for hours has seemingly become the thing to do, but unfortunately around holiday time, this brings out the worst drivers. This past weekend, we loaded up my wife's VW beetle and hit the road...we'll ignore how incredibly Brian Boitano like I felt in the car and I'm sure many 'a truckers got a laugh at me driving a bright red, flowers on the dashboard vehicle (although when the wife wasn't awake, I took the flowers down...it was a dangerous move but one that had to be done).

I digress...my question is this...when did it become okay to let Koko the retard onto the road? We all know and love Koko, he's the guy that is doing 55 in the left lane, with his left blinker on, while he's smoking his pipe, and his bag for a wife is passed out in the passenger seat, dentures in hand. He's the guy staring at the crash on the other side of the highway, while you wait in a line of idiots who think that changing lanes every 10 feet will actually improve their chances of moving. Koko is also the guy who decides that going 80 one minute and then 60 another is perfectly acceptable. To say the least I met Koko many times on my trek to Virginia and hope that I do not have to deal with him anytime soon.

This all being said, I am not a complainer generally, and am more of a man in action so I will be sending a reasonable action plan to the Department of Transportation, titled: 'The Exorcism of Koko the retard.' My 8 step action plan for reducing these types of drivers to 0 over the next 10 years.

Step 1: Require a highway test which will measure your driving efficiency, and annyoance to other drivers
Step 2: All Cadillac's/metamucil smelling cars will be required to stay off all major highways
Step 3: Hitch-hikers are now open game for being run over..this really serves no purpose...but they are annoying
Step 4: Women can no longer drive at night...sorry ladies, but when i was driving through west virginia, I watched a woman actually put on her make-up at 10:30 at night, winding through and over a mountain, while I watched in horror as she almost nailed the guard rail
Step 5: If you change lanes and leave your blinker on, your life ends..the dept of defense will have to work this out
Step 6: There will now be two rest stop bathrooms: one for those who can control their bladder and a second for those who decide a toliet is a burial ground.
Step 7: If you have a crappy vanity plate, such as: JDIMSTR, IFLYSOLO, GOYANKS, PICARD or others similar, you will have to pay a $1,000 fee for every car that passes you.
Step 8: If you have any of these bumper stickers

Now this will not work overnight, I will need the cooperation of you all for this to work. Lastly, if you see a man in a red cadillac, smoking a pipe, you can tell him I am looking for his ass..he will not get away with cutting me off and then slowing down to a salty 55 in a 70. He looks something like this...he may look like your own harmless pappy, but this SOB needs to be shot.






To those who are offended: I love old people, respect the handicapped, and metamucil is a good source of fiber.