Sportscenteritis - my sickness
On Tuesday morning this week I became ill, with some sort of sinus infection / headache deal. It has been a while since I stayed home sick and so I was not accustomed to the daytime/morning TV schedule. Back in High school I vividly remember the sick day TV schedule...moving from Sportscenter, to Saved by the Bell, and Back to Sportcenter. I realized that I have a sickness and its called: Sportscenteritis.
I don't know what happens to me when I am sick but for some reason watching Sportcenter 4 times and watching ESPN news for more scores and highlights makes me feel better, or does it? When you get to the point when you know the punchline the announcer is going to use and know exactly what order they will show the highlights, this cannot be healthy. Another thing that is not healthy is Stuart Scott's lazy eye...I dont know about you but when he talks, all I see is that wierd eye....that and Lisa Cohen's voice - random thought: if Stuart and Cohen had a kid: he/she would be interacial, with a lazy eye, and have an annoying voice.."well son, we screwed ya, you can't see or talk and we dont know what race you are."
All kidding aside, I wonder what would happen if Sportcenter was taken off the air? I am pretty sure the world would end if this ever happened. Can you imagine the bookies in Vegas? America would probably stage riots in Bristol Connecticut. Sick men around the world would be walking around their dwellings aimlessly, chanting, "I need my cold hard facts with Sean Salisbury and Mark Schelereth...I cannot function."
The stock market would crash, the next election would focus on the reinstatement of Sportcenter, as every American male between the ages of 21-50 would throw their ideals aside for the sake of Sportscenter.
I have wasted my life watching Sports, what was I thinking? I wonder how many hours I've spent watching a sport-related event? It's time to change...I vow to watch event more Sports. I am embracing my illness and simply accepting it as a part of who I am....after all it wouldn't be an addiction if I didn't spiral out of control. Where there's championship arm wrestling, PBA bowling, Racquetball, Sporting Clay championships, Purina Dog Challenges - you can find me beer in hand, eyes locked.
I don't know what happens to me when I am sick but for some reason watching Sportcenter 4 times and watching ESPN news for more scores and highlights makes me feel better, or does it? When you get to the point when you know the punchline the announcer is going to use and know exactly what order they will show the highlights, this cannot be healthy. Another thing that is not healthy is Stuart Scott's lazy eye...I dont know about you but when he talks, all I see is that wierd eye....that and Lisa Cohen's voice - random thought: if Stuart and Cohen had a kid: he/she would be interacial, with a lazy eye, and have an annoying voice.."well son, we screwed ya, you can't see or talk and we dont know what race you are."
All kidding aside, I wonder what would happen if Sportcenter was taken off the air? I am pretty sure the world would end if this ever happened. Can you imagine the bookies in Vegas? America would probably stage riots in Bristol Connecticut. Sick men around the world would be walking around their dwellings aimlessly, chanting, "I need my cold hard facts with Sean Salisbury and Mark Schelereth...I cannot function."
The stock market would crash, the next election would focus on the reinstatement of Sportcenter, as every American male between the ages of 21-50 would throw their ideals aside for the sake of Sportscenter.
I have wasted my life watching Sports, what was I thinking? I wonder how many hours I've spent watching a sport-related event? It's time to change...I vow to watch event more Sports. I am embracing my illness and simply accepting it as a part of who I am....after all it wouldn't be an addiction if I didn't spiral out of control. Where there's championship arm wrestling, PBA bowling, Racquetball, Sporting Clay championships, Purina Dog Challenges - you can find me beer in hand, eyes locked.
posted by Todd at 10/06/2005 01:13:00 PM
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