Carrots, Rain, and Saucification
There I was at Target last night, awaiting my sliced honey ham to be handed to me, which took an absurd 15 minutes (I'm not sure what kind of meat slicer this fella was using, but I think a nail clipper could have slided it faster) and an older woman comes up to me and asks me if I work here. By the way, the best Ham related name is Darvin Hamm of the NBA.
First of all, let me tell you what I was wearing: a white t-shirt, matched by lovely yellow and white basketball shorts and my blue rain parka. I was also standing in front of the deli counter, awating some fresh sliced pig and checking my shopping list to see what else I needed. Naturally, I said, no I do not work here. She proceeds to say, "Oh, okay, sorry- do you know where the carrots are?"
Let me get this straight, I don't work at Target, dont have a red shirt on, and she still wants to know where the carrots are. Nevermind the fact that a red-shirted gentlemen with a target nametage is standing behind us, stocking the lettuce, which is right next to the carrots.
Aware of the exact location of the carrots, I pointed behind me and said, "I think they are over there next to that guy in the red shirt." She kindly thanked me and was on her merry way.
Meanwhile, Johnny slow-slice finally hands me my meat in the time I could raise, slaughter, and eat a pig. I then turn around only to see the nice old woman passing right by the carrots and heading into the rest of the store. I figured she must have simply decided that she didn't need any carrots.
Not but five minutes later, I was purusing the spaghetti sauce section (I am always amazed at how many tomato and spice combinations one can make - oh look finally honey, chocolate margarita spaghetti sauce, mmmmm) and the old woman happens to come down the same aisle. I kid you not she asks me again, where did you say the carotts are? I said they are back where you came from next to the lettuce.
I gathered my items and headed for checkout, only to find the old woman in front of me checking out. I tried to ignore the feminine products she slapped proudly down on the conveyer and noticed that she had indeed found the carrots. She was about to buy 10 bags of carrots...the full size. You could take every Bugs Bunny cartoon, add up the nuber of carrots and only equal about 2 bags. Either this woman has a bunny farm or just loves her a good carrot.
I walk out of target to find a sky that looked like Oprah without make-up, and found a really hard rain. Since my car was a ways out, I decided to wait until it slowed a bit with a couple other people who were doing the same.
What's this? My eyes deceive me, its carrot woman slowly pushing her cart out into Noah's ark like rain. No rain coat, no panic, she simply slowly pushed her damn carrots to her buick and placed them in her car amidst the pouring rain. It was then I realized that I could learn from this woman, when you have carrots at your side anything is possible. Like a good no-fear t-shirt or "don't tread on me" bumper sticker, carrots can be your guide. When you find yourself facing the walls of hell, break out a carrot, and free yourself from the shackles of carrotless life.
I'm not sure where the carrot lady lives, but Im'm gonna find out and shake her hand for showing me the power of the carrot, after I beat her ass for asking me where the carrots are on 2 occasions.
In case you re wondering, there is indeed a web site dedicated to carrots. It is sad that this exists, yet exciting for carrot lady.
First of all, let me tell you what I was wearing: a white t-shirt, matched by lovely yellow and white basketball shorts and my blue rain parka. I was also standing in front of the deli counter, awating some fresh sliced pig and checking my shopping list to see what else I needed. Naturally, I said, no I do not work here. She proceeds to say, "Oh, okay, sorry- do you know where the carrots are?"
Let me get this straight, I don't work at Target, dont have a red shirt on, and she still wants to know where the carrots are. Nevermind the fact that a red-shirted gentlemen with a target nametage is standing behind us, stocking the lettuce, which is right next to the carrots.
Aware of the exact location of the carrots, I pointed behind me and said, "I think they are over there next to that guy in the red shirt." She kindly thanked me and was on her merry way.
Meanwhile, Johnny slow-slice finally hands me my meat in the time I could raise, slaughter, and eat a pig. I then turn around only to see the nice old woman passing right by the carrots and heading into the rest of the store. I figured she must have simply decided that she didn't need any carrots.
Not but five minutes later, I was purusing the spaghetti sauce section (I am always amazed at how many tomato and spice combinations one can make - oh look finally honey, chocolate margarita spaghetti sauce, mmmmm) and the old woman happens to come down the same aisle. I kid you not she asks me again, where did you say the carotts are? I said they are back where you came from next to the lettuce.
I gathered my items and headed for checkout, only to find the old woman in front of me checking out. I tried to ignore the feminine products she slapped proudly down on the conveyer and noticed that she had indeed found the carrots. She was about to buy 10 bags of carrots...the full size. You could take every Bugs Bunny cartoon, add up the nuber of carrots and only equal about 2 bags. Either this woman has a bunny farm or just loves her a good carrot.
I walk out of target to find a sky that looked like Oprah without make-up, and found a really hard rain. Since my car was a ways out, I decided to wait until it slowed a bit with a couple other people who were doing the same.
What's this? My eyes deceive me, its carrot woman slowly pushing her cart out into Noah's ark like rain. No rain coat, no panic, she simply slowly pushed her damn carrots to her buick and placed them in her car amidst the pouring rain. It was then I realized that I could learn from this woman, when you have carrots at your side anything is possible. Like a good no-fear t-shirt or "don't tread on me" bumper sticker, carrots can be your guide. When you find yourself facing the walls of hell, break out a carrot, and free yourself from the shackles of carrotless life.
I'm not sure where the carrot lady lives, but Im'm gonna find out and shake her hand for showing me the power of the carrot, after I beat her ass for asking me where the carrots are on 2 occasions.
In case you re wondering, there is indeed a web site dedicated to carrots. It is sad that this exists, yet exciting for carrot lady.
posted by Todd at 9/19/2005 10:05:00 PM
2 Comments:
I know someone who would buy chocolate margarita spaghetti sauce--he would eat it while perched on the windowsill.
It must be the curse of Target. The same crap happens to me all the time. Red shirts everywhere and some crazy person asks me if I know where an item is. What the hell do I look like. I can't even find what I need, much less direct you to your destination.
www.whatitwillbe.blogspot.com
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